And here's the rub.
The Treatment for Online Dating Addiction
The opportunities seem endless. But as author and human behaviouralist Alfie Kohn points out, being on countless apps can signal a potential risk of dating addiction. You spend part of your time trying to recover from, and make sense, of all these lovely people who won't give you the time of day, then the rest avoiding people you have no interest in. It can take over your life. So the very apps that are designed in order to help people to meet, are actually doing the opposite. The US Association of Psychological Science found that reviewing multiple candidates causes people to be more judgmental and inclined to dismiss a not-quite-perfect candidate than they would in a face-to-face meeting.
When I was single, after my long-term relationship with the father of three of my four children broke up after many years, I spent a couple of years online. Even though, three years ago, there were nowhere near as many apps as there are now, I understand how obsessive it can get. I think I almost lived for checking my dating sites, spending hours "talking" to men I ended up never actually meeting.
It certainly staved off loneliness, and felt safer in many ways than risking a date, face-to-face, for which I had to grow a pretty thick skin. The rejection is tough on both sides - the men you think sound wonderful but when you meet them they are not what they seem, or maybe you like them but they don't like you. I eventually met my husband via Facebook we had mutual friends, but soon moved our connection into the real world.
My best friend met his now wife on Tinder. So success stories do happen, but they're outnumbered by the thousands of singles having more of a relationship with their phones than with each other. In my work as a relationship therapist and love coach, I meet clients of plus of both sexes who are obsessively dating. Some do manage to meet up, but it doesn't matter how disastrous any eventual dates are - they have told me horror stories of men talking to other women as they sit opposite them - they just can't stop searching for more.
They all say they never meet anyone decent but, even if they do, they are convinced there might well be someone better around the corner. I gently suggest that maybe they are addicted to the whole process of dating and that perhaps they might think about stopping and pausing to think about what they really want in a relationship.
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I suggest that maybe knowing who they really are and who they really want to meet might help them. Yet often this suggestion is met with looks of horror and confusion. It makes me wonder if we have become a nation of prospectors - dating endlessly in the certainty the next one will be The One, but in reality wasting hours of our lives, with little to show for it. So where does this leave the or plus dater? The key is to get off apps - half of British singles have never asked someone out face-to-face, but as Margareta James of the Harley Street Wellbeing Clinic says, "It's hard to create extraordinary relationships online.
It is all about connection and in an increasingly isolated world, it's what we all crave, especially as we get older. That's what gets you off an app and in to the world of lasting relationships. It's easy to talk to our phones. It turns into a quiz and is really absorbing. Many people start perceiving dating apps as game apps. They forget that there are real people hiding behind the profile photos. You set some search parameters and then study the profiles of the proposed matches. Yet, there is a spirit of competition that encourages people to pay for extra features to get their profiles to the top to get more views.
The developers of the new generation of dating apps have realized that people are too focused on the dating game itself rather than on meeting people. They condemn the swiping culture and want to emphasize that a dating app is a tool for securing a date, not for endless chatting and flirting without any progress. Such dating apps as Clover, Pure, or HowAboutWe minimize the time spent on virtual chit-chat and help people find themselves on a date shortly after exchanging several messages or right after agreeing to meet in a particular place at a particular time.
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Endless resources infer endless searches. This is how the dating industry can be characterized in a nutshell.
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And this is what facilitates an Internet dating site addiction. The compulsive use of dating services changes your attitude to relationships. You stop perceiving each of your partners as unique.
The Treatment for Online Dating Addiction
In 10 minutes, you can not only see hundreds of girls from different cities and countries but also scan their profiles. In real life, it would take you a year. The desire to woo and win a girl disappears — you know there are other single women out there. The abundance of choice leads to emotional burnout. According to psychologists and anthropologists, people are able to maintain a close emotional connection with not more than people. Today, thanks to the Internet, you can communicate with a lot more people.
Why do people get addicted to online dating and the process of meeting new people? The answer is simple: Online dating is replete with illusions. At the stage of online communication, people tend to mentally adjust their online dates to their ideals. In other words, they picture them they way they want them to be. When a relationship progresses, people learn the ugly truth about their partners and this is when a real relationship starts — when partners begin to accept the real personalities of their partners.
Women and men addicted to online dating want to prolong the thrill of sweet illusion, so they prefer to stay on this level of the game, simply changing the players. These online dating addiction signs should not be left out. Your compulsive usage of dating services has a detrimental effect on your personal life. The process of online dating addiction recovery should begin with the recognition of the problem.
Admit your compulsive use of dating platforms. The temptation is always strong but you can learn to control your online presence.
The following tips will help your online dating addiction recovery. Do you log in on a dating site or app whenever you feel bored or lonely? Do you do this to kill the time or maybe to cope with stress or feel happier. Compare the advantages of online dating and real-life communication. Although technology helps us stay in touch with our close people, it is also the reason for our social isolation.
Love Addiction, Codependency & Internet Dating
People are social creatures. We need face to face interaction. This is how we can establish deeper bonds and feel happier. Improve your social skills. Perhaps, you find it easier to interact with people online. However, you can become successful with the opposite sex only through real practice.
Meet with your friends more often, reach out to colleagues, take some group classes drama, language courses to be among people. Get your time spent on dating sites under control.